Wicked Pickles


OK, I know this year has brought a few things our way that some might view as bad luck. Cool, backed into a pole and knocked my rear view mirror off my van, he went in the ditch one morning on the way to work, my aunt almost died, Cool went to the ER with chest pains, the garage was on fire. It all depends on how a person views life as to how they handle these life situations. I have viewed these all as, "We were extremely lucky. Someone was really watching out for us." Some might say I was living life with my glass half full. Not today. What happened today is where I draw the line.

Let me back up. It all started yesterday, when we got home from all our errand running. Cool and I were on the driveway talking to some friends when Spear went into the house and came running back out yelling, "There's a dead bat on the floor!" What could we do? We had to be adults and take charge so Cool and I went in to find a dead bat. :shudder, gasp, spew: 5 minutes of debating the subject of who was going to pick it up and get rid of it happened after the shuddering. Speculations were made as to how a dead, bloody bat actually made it's way to the the kitchen floor. Speculations were also made as to why it ended up under the kitchen table. This will go down in history as an unsolved mystery as we interviewed the three cats and didn't get a straight answer. It seemed that none of them wanted to take the credit. We went to bed thinking, "That was strange."

We woke up today and lived life normally until about 4:00 when Spear says, "There's another bat!" (Now, I don't know why Spear has the ability to I-Spy all the bats but he has a real knack for it) I look down and see in the mouth of my sweet, little, innocent kitten, a horrible, ugly bat! He was pretty damn proud of himself and would show off by putting the bat down and pouncing on it as it would try to take off. Oh God!

Chip would say great and wonderful things such as, "Notice the way "Killer" keeps biting at the bats neck? He is trying to break it but he just isn't done playing with it yet." Oh God!

I ran to the neighbor and asked if he could come over and help. He was walking out the door and couldn't right away, but he would when he got back. Oh God!

Now, this is embarrassing to admit but I am gonna tell ya. I sat down and cried full fledged tears. In my kitchen, under a clear Rubbermaid tub is one pissed off bat. I am afraid of bats. Two of my picklets are afraid of bats because their brother was bitten by one two years ago and are freaking because the bat is hitting the sides of the container. The picklet who was actually bitten by one is a freakin' bat encyclopedia and keeps spewing bat facts at me. All I wanted to do was yell "SHUT UP!" and bury my head in the freakin' sand. Alas, I am a grown up and couldn't do that. So I cried. I cried because Cool wouldn't be home until 10. I cried because my neighbor was busy. I cried because I was afraid.

After feeling sorry for myself for a while I called the librarian to see if her husband could come over and take care of the flying rodent for me. "He is deathly afraid of bats," she tells me, "but I will find someone for you!" Half an hour later (when I was just thinking I would have to live with a bat in my kitchen for the rest of my life) she called back and informed me someone was on their way. OH YEAH!

Up the walk came "JP the bat taker person". "Are you my knight in shining armor?" I asked. "Nah, just JP." LOL He inspected the situation, moved the Rubbermaid tub, moved it again, looked all around and asked me for a towel. I dug through my drawer trying to find the perfect dish towel to sacrifice to the God of Rodents. He nonchalantly picked up the corner of the Rubbermaid and picked the clicking, hissing bat up. I asked casually, "do you want to flush it down the toilet?" He says, "No, I will just let it go." OH GOD!

Very calmly I ask, "Do you think you could do that somewhere else?" He looked at me, a sparkle in his eye, and said, "Yeah, I think I can do that. I will just return your towel tomorrow." I laughed and replied back, "no need...you can just toss it!" He chuckled and said, "OK, I understand!"

And off my went my knight in shining armor, down the street in his 4 door sedan with a bat wrapped in my kitchen towel. Oh God!
I still view these little quirks as "Shit Happens." Life is constantly moving and if you don't hang on with both hands and yell, "WOOOHOOOO!" sometimes, it is gonna leave you behind. So, I am gonna hang on tight, yell, "Oooohhhhh shiiiiiiiiit!" and enjoy the ride!

The predator guarding his prey.

Update to the bat story. As I was writing this I hear Cool yell, "Oh shiiiiiiiiiit." I go to the living room, hoping that Cool is just enjoying the ride as I have vowed to do, only to find yet another bat! Yes, bat number 3! Killer was chasing him, Chip was spewing bat facts and Spear was disappointed he didn't spot him first. Sweet the lucky, slept through it all. I hid in the bathroom and yelled, "What's going on now?" Mr. Bat was captured on my picture frame, taken to the park by the resident bat expert and released back to the wild. I am holding on tight!



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